Endless driving, silence burns
Rhythmic pain slowly turns
A warming rush, gazing eyes
Lives unite, stopping time
Fleeting moment melts away
Reaching out, begs to stay
Oh...
Paper airplane sharply glides
Missed its mark, crashing high
Damning strength, stubborn will
Guarding scars, crouching still
The freeing moments melt away
Still reaching - begs to stay
Oh....
Peel back layers - years of lies
Dried-on, tearing, ripping, cries
Searching for the life beneath
Carried to the mercy seat
Fleeting moments melt away...
Wanting to stay...
Oh...
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
On church and conflict within my spirit
There is no perfect church.
Please, Father, make me an agent for Your kingdom in this world, on this day, in this place.
Where am I today? I wish that I knew
'Cause looking around there's no sign of you
I don't remember one jump or one leap
Just quiet steps away from your lead
I'm holding my heart out but clutching it too
Feeling this short of a love that we once knew
I'm calling this home when it's not even close
Playing the role with nerves left exposed
Standing on a darkened stage, stumbling through the lines
Others have excuses, but I have my reasons why
We get distracted by dreams of our own
But nobody's happy while feeling alone
And knowing how hard it hurts when we fall
We lean another ladder against the wrong wall
And climb high to the highest rung, to shake fists at the sky
While others have excuses, I have my reasons why
With so much deception it's hard not to wander away. ~Nickel Creek~
Please, Father, make me an agent for Your kingdom in this world, on this day, in this place.
Where am I today? I wish that I knew
'Cause looking around there's no sign of you
I don't remember one jump or one leap
Just quiet steps away from your lead
I'm holding my heart out but clutching it too
Feeling this short of a love that we once knew
I'm calling this home when it's not even close
Playing the role with nerves left exposed
Standing on a darkened stage, stumbling through the lines
Others have excuses, but I have my reasons why
We get distracted by dreams of our own
But nobody's happy while feeling alone
And knowing how hard it hurts when we fall
We lean another ladder against the wrong wall
And climb high to the highest rung, to shake fists at the sky
While others have excuses, I have my reasons why
With so much deception it's hard not to wander away. ~Nickel Creek~
Sunday, November 2, 2008
John 15:13 (October 2007)
Recently I heard a speaker reference John 15:12-13... "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."
He went on to say that the original word "life" used in verse 13, translated, actually means "psyche". So... Jesus isn't actually saying the greatest love is to lay down our physical lives for each other. In some ways, I think that dying for someone could be easier (and most likely quicker) than what He is actually asking us... he's saying we need to lay aside our own personal desires and selfish wishes in deference to others. He's saying we need to live to serve others. Not die for them... live for them. There was no clause to that verse, no clarifications or exceptions... just "lay down your life for your friends." Yikes.
I fail that one countless times each day...
He went on to say that the original word "life" used in verse 13, translated, actually means "psyche". So... Jesus isn't actually saying the greatest love is to lay down our physical lives for each other. In some ways, I think that dying for someone could be easier (and most likely quicker) than what He is actually asking us... he's saying we need to lay aside our own personal desires and selfish wishes in deference to others. He's saying we need to live to serve others. Not die for them... live for them. There was no clause to that verse, no clarifications or exceptions... just "lay down your life for your friends." Yikes.
I fail that one countless times each day...
Stories from the past... prep for the future (Oct. 2007)
Last night I went to a play. Not that there's anything too remarkable about that, considering it's me. But last night was different. Last night I went to Things We Couldn't Say, a play about 2 people serving in the Resistance during WWII. A friend of mine played Diet Eman as an older woman telling her story... she was onstage the entire time, watching herself as a young woman in prison and in the Netherlands... watching her fiancee (another friend) in prison, under Gestapo, and eventually dying... telling her story to the onlookers in the theatre. It was an emotional journey to say the least, not just because of the hardships endured and lives affected, but because of their common faith with me, a faith in God so strong because of how much it was tested during that time.
As if that wasn't enough, the director began the show by coming into the audience and asking who among us had served during WWII and asked for their brief stories. My eyes filled with tears as one gentleman, only a young boy at the time of the war, confessed he stole a German gun. He said he thought it would stop them from killing so many people if he could take their weapons. One lady shared how soldiers came and took over their home.
The theatre was silent at the show's closing. As I wandered in thought, I couldn't help but shake my head in retrospect and lament American Christians who think they're doing good deeds by "protesting" prayer being banned in public schools... and like behaviors. I'm not going to knock them for it either, but honestly... we have no idea the realities our brothers and sisters faced then... or what they face even now in the world for their faith in Christ in God. How long will we take our incredible freedoms here lightly? How long will we vote for political candidates based on their claims to faith? This time isn't going to last forever. What will we do when it's a true crime to believe in God? I bet we won't whine and walk around with signs in our hand once a year. Self-satisfied religious creatures won't last too long when the fires arrive. I almost long for that time to come... I crave a wake-up call in our country. God, prepare us for the time as it comes. May we honor and serve You always.
As if that wasn't enough, the director began the show by coming into the audience and asking who among us had served during WWII and asked for their brief stories. My eyes filled with tears as one gentleman, only a young boy at the time of the war, confessed he stole a German gun. He said he thought it would stop them from killing so many people if he could take their weapons. One lady shared how soldiers came and took over their home.
The theatre was silent at the show's closing. As I wandered in thought, I couldn't help but shake my head in retrospect and lament American Christians who think they're doing good deeds by "protesting" prayer being banned in public schools... and like behaviors. I'm not going to knock them for it either, but honestly... we have no idea the realities our brothers and sisters faced then... or what they face even now in the world for their faith in Christ in God. How long will we take our incredible freedoms here lightly? How long will we vote for political candidates based on their claims to faith? This time isn't going to last forever. What will we do when it's a true crime to believe in God? I bet we won't whine and walk around with signs in our hand once a year. Self-satisfied religious creatures won't last too long when the fires arrive. I almost long for that time to come... I crave a wake-up call in our country. God, prepare us for the time as it comes. May we honor and serve You always.
Post-college (May 2008)
This blog hasn't been updated in quite some time... but I'm still here!
I just graduated from college. Kind of a nice feeling. You know it's funny, people always ask the same question... "what's next for you?"And honestly, I don't have a straight-up answer about a full-time job, getting married, or some other such thing.
I'm still learning to laugh when I don't have the standard quick answer people are looking for. Why should I really know what I'm doing for the next year/s of my life? I suppose in some ways it would be nice to have concrete plans... but the beauty of my Lord is that He is in control!!! He has numbered the hairs on my head and counted my days before my life began! Even when I think I have concrete plans and they are coming to fruition, time and time again I've seen how the Lord comes in, takes hold of a situation and completely re-directs me into His will for my life. It's so cool to be able to look back and see His hand, though in the moment it can be a bit disorienting and... well, adventuresome to say the least.
Isaiah is full of reminders of God's faithfulness. Israel was constantly being reminded of the heart of the Lord for His people... through their unfaithfulness, their time in the wilderness, their time in captivity to Egypt and Assyria... good night, these people were living in times of uncertainty. Man, I think I've got uncertainties... can't even begin to compare to these guys. But always, the Lord was right there alongside of them and knew exactly what He was doing. It's so comforting to read and know that He does not change. Even Paul states we can be content in all situations because the Lord is faithful and able to give abundant strength for what we must daily face. Oh, the Bible is SO full of the testimony to God's faithfulness. There's really no words for it... but it's incredible. He's incredible.
I don't know what is coming next for me. Most of the time I'm alright with that... and the times I get nervous or uncertain, it's such a blessing to remember the Lord knows. He's got my life right in His hands. His plans are good, He is showing me to be faithful in the daily tasks He has placed in my life today. That is enough for me. I still dream and plan and desire... but the Lord will bring His plans to complete fruition in His timing. :)
I just graduated from college. Kind of a nice feeling. You know it's funny, people always ask the same question... "what's next for you?"And honestly, I don't have a straight-up answer about a full-time job, getting married, or some other such thing.
I'm still learning to laugh when I don't have the standard quick answer people are looking for. Why should I really know what I'm doing for the next year/s of my life? I suppose in some ways it would be nice to have concrete plans... but the beauty of my Lord is that He is in control!!! He has numbered the hairs on my head and counted my days before my life began! Even when I think I have concrete plans and they are coming to fruition, time and time again I've seen how the Lord comes in, takes hold of a situation and completely re-directs me into His will for my life. It's so cool to be able to look back and see His hand, though in the moment it can be a bit disorienting and... well, adventuresome to say the least.
Isaiah is full of reminders of God's faithfulness. Israel was constantly being reminded of the heart of the Lord for His people... through their unfaithfulness, their time in the wilderness, their time in captivity to Egypt and Assyria... good night, these people were living in times of uncertainty. Man, I think I've got uncertainties... can't even begin to compare to these guys. But always, the Lord was right there alongside of them and knew exactly what He was doing. It's so comforting to read and know that He does not change. Even Paul states we can be content in all situations because the Lord is faithful and able to give abundant strength for what we must daily face. Oh, the Bible is SO full of the testimony to God's faithfulness. There's really no words for it... but it's incredible. He's incredible.
I don't know what is coming next for me. Most of the time I'm alright with that... and the times I get nervous or uncertain, it's such a blessing to remember the Lord knows. He's got my life right in His hands. His plans are good, He is showing me to be faithful in the daily tasks He has placed in my life today. That is enough for me. I still dream and plan and desire... but the Lord will bring His plans to complete fruition in His timing. :)
Supposed quote... (May 2008)
... from the Hebrew Talmud.
"Be very careful if you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears. The woman came out of a man's rib. Not from his feet to be walked on, not from his head to be superior, but from the side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved."
"Be very careful if you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears. The woman came out of a man's rib. Not from his feet to be walked on, not from his head to be superior, but from the side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved."
Bucket List - July 2008
10 things I'd love to do before I die... :) I have no idea if and/or when I will accomplish any, some or all of these things. But my heart longs to longs for each of these things. Possibly, someday.
1. Become a certified massage therapist
2. Travel to Australia and Asia
3. Retain/advance my knowledge of knitting and crocheting long enough to create beautiful things
4. Become a happy and creative vegetarian
5. Marry the love of my life
6. Adopt a child
7. Create a true home atmosphere for my own family and share it with those the Lord brings to us
8. Learn to make a violin sing
9. Dance gracefully, joyfully and uninhibitedly
10. Write a song that breaks barriers and touches many hearts
I'm feeling transparent tonight... just quietly longing for something. Not quite sure what it is exactly, but it's down in there somewhere.
How did God create the entire universe, simply from the sound of His voice and the desire of His heart? How has God always existed? Such things are too great for me to comprehend...
"My heart is not proud, O LORD, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, put your hope in the LORD both now and forevermore." ~Psalm 131~
1. Become a certified massage therapist
2. Travel to Australia and Asia
3. Retain/advance my knowledge of knitting and crocheting long enough to create beautiful things
4. Become a happy and creative vegetarian
5. Marry the love of my life
6. Adopt a child
7. Create a true home atmosphere for my own family and share it with those the Lord brings to us
8. Learn to make a violin sing
9. Dance gracefully, joyfully and uninhibitedly
10. Write a song that breaks barriers and touches many hearts
I'm feeling transparent tonight... just quietly longing for something. Not quite sure what it is exactly, but it's down in there somewhere.
How did God create the entire universe, simply from the sound of His voice and the desire of His heart? How has God always existed? Such things are too great for me to comprehend...
"My heart is not proud, O LORD, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, put your hope in the LORD both now and forevermore." ~Psalm 131~
Caught Up... August 2008
People (particularly believers) can use a lot of lingo about "taking the easy path"... usually when speaking pseudo-sympathetically (or pseudo-judgmentally) of others' poor life choices and eventual consequences.
I started thinking tonight about how I am taking the "easy" path though. I've been dealing with a lot of my insecurities and failures this summer.
About that "easy" path, though... all these feelings, situations, failures... it has been so easy for me to focus on how much I've failed, how I'm such a terrible person, whatever it is... and honestly, it's easier to delve into those feelings and wallow in them than remind myself that I am God's precious daughter. He loves me. For that reason and that alone, I am not a failure. I'm not un-love-able. I do not need to lose heart. I don't need to beat myself up.
But that can be the harder path for me. I see others so easily the way Christ sees them... but I have a hard time seeing myself as Christ sees me. But that is what I have to remember. I can rest, not because of how amazing and perfect I am, but because somehow God chose me and loves me. I ache to be whole and I long to be in His presence, complete and no longer subject to Satan's temptings and tauntings.
He is good!!!
I started thinking tonight about how I am taking the "easy" path though. I've been dealing with a lot of my insecurities and failures this summer.
About that "easy" path, though... all these feelings, situations, failures... it has been so easy for me to focus on how much I've failed, how I'm such a terrible person, whatever it is... and honestly, it's easier to delve into those feelings and wallow in them than remind myself that I am God's precious daughter. He loves me. For that reason and that alone, I am not a failure. I'm not un-love-able. I do not need to lose heart. I don't need to beat myself up.
But that can be the harder path for me. I see others so easily the way Christ sees them... but I have a hard time seeing myself as Christ sees me. But that is what I have to remember. I can rest, not because of how amazing and perfect I am, but because somehow God chose me and loves me. I ache to be whole and I long to be in His presence, complete and no longer subject to Satan's temptings and tauntings.
He is good!!!
"The Reluctant Christian"
I saw a friend today I hadn't seen for about 4 months or so. Before that, I hadn't seen him for about 4 years or so... and before that, I'm not sure.
He looked at me during one point in our conversation... I had asked him if I could pray for him and he just said "I'm not sure I believe... that... anymore. I first started wondering after my grandpa died... I think about it every day." We talked a bit more, I re-voiced the question, and he assented. As I sat, just trying to talk with God about my friend... I asked for Truth to be revealed to him... and that he could have true peace in that Truth. I didn't go too deep in the moment, but I think God understood. Apparently so did my friend, because after I said "amen", he paused for a moment, put his hat back on and looked up at me... all he said was "well, I don't think I'm going to sleep tonight."
Reluctant Christian... they are everywhere. People with doubts and questions for God, and for various reasons they have been choosing to push their questions aside for the time being... not just their questions, but they have refused to acknowledge God as Lord. But they belong to God and He brings them to Himself - in His timing. My friend is struggling through his death questions... who knows what else. So I'm asking God in boldness and yet with child-like hope and faith that my friends' heart will be led to the knowledge of God and His offer of hope for the world through Christ. My heart aches for friends like him... I see their longing for peace, for rest... and we both know they don't have it. At the end of the day, that's why I can sleep at night, though... the gift God has somehow chosen to give me.
"God saved you by His grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. ~Ephesians 2:8~"
I pray this gift is also a gift my friend receives... and others like him. Perhaps he is reluctant... and will only remain so for a little while longer. I hope and pray this is true!
He looked at me during one point in our conversation... I had asked him if I could pray for him and he just said "I'm not sure I believe... that... anymore. I first started wondering after my grandpa died... I think about it every day." We talked a bit more, I re-voiced the question, and he assented. As I sat, just trying to talk with God about my friend... I asked for Truth to be revealed to him... and that he could have true peace in that Truth. I didn't go too deep in the moment, but I think God understood. Apparently so did my friend, because after I said "amen", he paused for a moment, put his hat back on and looked up at me... all he said was "well, I don't think I'm going to sleep tonight."
Reluctant Christian... they are everywhere. People with doubts and questions for God, and for various reasons they have been choosing to push their questions aside for the time being... not just their questions, but they have refused to acknowledge God as Lord. But they belong to God and He brings them to Himself - in His timing. My friend is struggling through his death questions... who knows what else. So I'm asking God in boldness and yet with child-like hope and faith that my friends' heart will be led to the knowledge of God and His offer of hope for the world through Christ. My heart aches for friends like him... I see their longing for peace, for rest... and we both know they don't have it. At the end of the day, that's why I can sleep at night, though... the gift God has somehow chosen to give me.
"God saved you by His grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. ~Ephesians 2:8~"
I pray this gift is also a gift my friend receives... and others like him. Perhaps he is reluctant... and will only remain so for a little while longer. I hope and pray this is true!
Sukkot - e'en so, Lord Jesus, quickly come!
The last appointment on the Leviticus 23 calendar is the Feast of Booths, a seven-day harvest celebration. This feast begins today (the Hebrew calendar follows lunar cycles so every year the festivals change - on the Julian calendar). The Hebrew name of this festival is Sukkot, a word that means "shelters, stables or huts." These temporary, tent-like structures are often translated as "tabernacles" in our English Bibles. The festival is so named because Israel was commanded to annually build such dwelling places as a reminder of the post-exodus years when they lived in huts and booths, following God in the wilderness. Sukkot is a time of joy and celebration, a time to celebrate the harvest and revel in God's goodness.
The Apostle John used a verb form of the same Greek word that is used for the Hebrew word "booth" (sukkah) when he wrote, "And the Word became flesh, and dwelt [tabernacled] among us." (John 1:14)
Wow!!! God sent Christ to dwell among us... and one day we will dwell with Him eternally and perfectly. Life will be like a Feast of Sukkot every moment! I get really excited when I think about that. An eternal celebration with the Lord! Yes, Lord, Thy kingdom come!!!
The Apostle John used a verb form of the same Greek word that is used for the Hebrew word "booth" (sukkah) when he wrote, "And the Word became flesh, and dwelt [tabernacled] among us." (John 1:14)
Wow!!! God sent Christ to dwell among us... and one day we will dwell with Him eternally and perfectly. Life will be like a Feast of Sukkot every moment! I get really excited when I think about that. An eternal celebration with the Lord! Yes, Lord, Thy kingdom come!!!
Church...
... as it should be? What does that even mean?
Is it really about a hierarchical structure that functions with a large purpose of becoming like a perfect [at-least-mini]megachurch - showiness and great programming at the forefront to attract everyone and their 3rd cousin through their doors?
Or could church possibly be more about small groups of people coming together and interacting/growing/living alongside one another, interacting through the symbolic/real sacraments and the living Word of God?
I hesitate to draw sharp criticism to the majority of "churches" today, but I think it is worth considering. More thoughts to come later...
Is it really about a hierarchical structure that functions with a large purpose of becoming like a perfect [at-least-mini]megachurch - showiness and great programming at the forefront to attract everyone and their 3rd cousin through their doors?
Or could church possibly be more about small groups of people coming together and interacting/growing/living alongside one another, interacting through the symbolic/real sacraments and the living Word of God?
I hesitate to draw sharp criticism to the majority of "churches" today, but I think it is worth considering. More thoughts to come later...
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